UK Coaching Partnership Blog

The humility of coaching, by Lynette Allen

When I think about teaching, I think about the process of standing in front of a new group of people, professionals who want to learn something new, add to their knowledge of coaching – they might have big aspirations to become leading coaches of the future or they may feel the need to bring a fresh coaching approach into their workplace.

Whatever their reason for being there, the thoughts of starting my next diploma with fresh eager minds to train, carve, bring in line with coaching ethics and techniques is so stimulating. It occurred to me today though, that teaching these willing incredible professionals, isn't all this course is about, it's not my only job as an ethical coach in this world.

I read a case study today from one of my students – he's just finished our last diploma and is gathering his written work towards gaining his qualification.

The impact that my student has had on his coachee quite literally made me stare at the words on my screen, only able to say just one word 'WOW'. This particular coachee has been able to discuss a topic so close to his heart, simply because another person in the world felt in a position, personally and professionally to be able to train as a coach. The meeting of these two people, through coaching, has meant that someone has grown personally in the world. The impact of that growth will stay with that person for life.

Teaching this course isn't just about shaping capable minds with a coaching etiquette, it's about preparing them to enhance, change, have an impact on the lives of the people THEY will coach, both during their training and when they qualify. They don't even know them yet. They have no idea when they'll be brought into their lives, when they'll feel the need for their space.

I am very proud indeed today. Very proud to be able to have an impact on people I will never meet and never hear. I can't think of a better way to walk about the planet!

If you feel ready to make a significant impact on someone else's life, you can find out more by clicking here

Coaching women on feminine credibility, by Lynette Allen

I recently coached a highly experienced woman, working in the corporate sector. A brand new role had been created in the company she'd been a consultant for, she applied and she got the job. She got the job because of her credibility, because of her corporate history, her reputation. She finds herself in a position where her male dominated team don't seem to value that credibility though. To them, she has no reputation as yet, she has no real clout yet and her authority is being undermined at every turn.

During her session, it just appalled me that her male colleagues seem to literally be playing games with her. They don't let her finish her sentences in meetings, they talk over her and wave their hand around dismissively, they stand over her and even seem to physically back her into a corner. At this point, it is important to note that both her and I realise that this behaviour is NOT representative all most of the male business fraternity, this type of behaviour is, we hope, in the minority – but it is happening. How does a small framed woman who believes in win:win situations compete with a strong male counterforce who are unsupportive of her role and seem to thrive on win:lose war-type situations?  Click here to read on

Success story - Razwana Wahid UKCP Coach

Just this week, we caught up with UKCP coach Raz, and are thrilled to hear how she's been developing her coaching.

 
This is what she said;

Coaching has changed my life in the following ways;

• Listening - not to just friends and family, but in everyday life - has transformed my emotional intelligence. I pick up on the subtleties of body language more than I did before.
• I apply coaching to the 1-2-1's I have with my team at work. I'm also developing a 4 month 'Managers that Coach' course to deliver to the business I am working for at the moment. If this is the one thing that I leave behind when I leave, it is a coaching culture - the techniques are so powerful and do wonders for levels of motivation and satisfaction in the office.
• The Diploma also re-ignited my desire to become self employed. So although I am working full time now, I am developing my business on the side with the objective of being a full time self employed person in 10 months. My website will be live soon!
• I have offered free coaching to patients at Moorfields Eye Hospital which is both incredibly fulfilling and also a way for me to 'give back'.
• I also made some pretty awesome friends on the course. I wonder if I would have met them if the course hasn't happened?

What could you achieve with a coaching diploma?  Click if you're interested to find out how you might use this recognised coaching qualification

 

Just look what our coaching students end up achieving!

As the students on our current coaching diploma work towards their final weekend, Meg and I are already busy booking for our next Coaching Diploma which starts in September. With their professional qualifications, our students end up going on to coach in all types of industries, writing books, appearing on television, speaking in public, founding charities, starting their own companies. You name it...they've done it and all as a result of becoming a qualified coach.

We'd like to highlight one amazing lady in particular – who turned up on weekend 1 in THE most amazing union jack dress...we kid you not! This fashionista has mixed coaching with her passion for clothes and turned it into a thriving business. We introduce Shay Aly - here's what she has to say...

“Have you ever been frustrated about how to make sales? Or do you ever feel that people get the wrong impression of you until they really get to know you?  All of us are familiar with the NLP concept of words only making up a mere 7% of the message that people get from us. Yet, as coaches, we often think too much about what questions we're going to ask, rather than the visual and body language elements of our presence that say so much more to the people we come across.   You see, 40% of people are primarily visual.  I have always believed that you not only speak with your words, and of course your killer coaching questions, but also with your presence in the form of your body language, style and of course your brand.

I first met Meg & Lynette back in 2005.  They later both admitted to being a bit apprehensive about having a practising barrister on the course, until I turned up to the first weekend dressed for Last Night of the Proms and making a very different impression to the perception that they had previously held of barristers.   My presence on that day immediately shattered their previously held perception of what a barrister would be like and it goes to show how powerful your personal presence can be, no matter what your “label”.

Fast forward 5 years, and I finally decided to listen to my mentors, market and friends and coach in the area that people actually saw in me; how to serve people in helping them with their own presence and style, drawing from my experience in public speaking, the stage & image. It is truly a privilege to be able to coach coaches on the area that has been such a powerful part of my own journey and to see individuals and their businesses blossom.

Together with my business partner Izzy Gainford, we co-founded Sheer Distinction which specialises in creating a brand, image and coaching coaches around presence in order to magnetise the message that they were born to share.  We pride ourselves in creating create our clients' brands and images, fully encapsulating their core essence.    However, we're only able to serve our clients in this way by firstly helping them to gain absolute clarity in who they want to be of service to and what message they want to share.   Once coaching them around these topics and helping them to really hone their message, Izzy and I switch from our coaching skills to our creative skills in order to ensure that our clients’ body language, brand and presence is congruent with their niche, so that they ooze their real identity 24/7, leading to effortless client attraction amongst other benefits.

Without the coaching element to our work, we would not be able to create brands that truly encapsulate our clients.  By having a brand, they are permanently anchored to the message they want to convey and will always have a visual representation of the niche that they stand for.  The skills have helped us to stand apart from our competitors in the branding industry and create a unique niche for ourselves.”

Click the link if you ant to know more about our coaching diploma course so you too can work from your passion with utter confidence like Shay.

Nearly at Weekend 3!

I've spent the morning marking Case Studies from our students on the verge of qualifying to become life/business coaches.  I've been blown away by the standard of coaching they produce!

This coming weekend, is Weekend 3 of our latest 5 month programme, we'll be teaching them about self-esteem, negative thinking and how it affects thoughts, behaviour and actions and how influential the subconscious mind is.  They'll also be learning about the Wheel of Life, Core Values and coaching within a group situation...plus they'll be practicing their coaching skills.  Everyone in the group (there are 10 on this course) gets the chance to be coach, coachee and observer.  Each time they do this, their skill level increases and their confidence grows...it's just amazing to see little light bulb moments of learning happen around the room, flashes that tell myself and Meg how good they're going to be when they qualify!

Interested in knowing more?  Our next Life Coaching course starts in September at Cambridge University, why not find out more?

 

Book review: Curly Martin, The Life Coaching Handbook, Everything you need to be an effective Life Coach.

(Reviewed by UK Coaching Partnership Student Mark Bradley)

  

This book was an interesting read it uses a metaphor that life coaching can be compared to motorway maintenance and construction.  It fills and removes the ruts of life to build a smooth surface.  Then life's journey takes the traveller to the destinations that they really want to visit, rather than remain in the slow lane of inactivity, drifting without purpose or direction.

 

The book looks in some depth in dealing with the whole of the clients life balance and  aims to improve the imbalances.   

It covers the importantce of body language and the use of tonality when working with clients, it informs us about the skills in framing and reframing.  It examines different working models such as Meta language which looks at the strengths and weakness of language patterns, which is linked with the Milton model using artfully vague language.  It briefly looks at NLP and the representational system of clients.

The I CAN DO model looks really workable;

I - Investigate what's important to the client.

C-  what is their Current life situation. 

A-  what are the Aims in life.

N- Number of alternatives.

 

D-  By what Date do they want to achieve their aims.

O- What are the Outcome and achievement indicators.

 

The book explores Coaching versus Counselling - therapy and the differences, breaking them down in a clear way.  It gives a variety of information on different types of clients who see things in a global context and those who see things in a specific context.

 

I found the Spiral Coaching Model very interesting which consists of six different colours representing different codes of types of thinking patterns that the client could possibly adopt in the sessions.  It also touches on Matters of State, looking at being in a resourceful state before, during and after the coaching session.  It also incorporates anchoring techniques.

An interesting read!  Click here to buy the book

 

 

Who Watches the Watchmen? By James Carter

Humble apologies for not posting recently, I’ve been entertaining unexpected visitors.  For the past fortnight I have been sharing my quarters with Messrs. Hubris and Chagrin.

They came a calling when a friend lent me Watchmen, a comic book by Alan Moore about a group of feasible superheroes existing within an alternate modern history, attempting to unravel a plot pursuing global instability whilst wrestling with the idiosyncrasies of their conceptualised identities.

I took on the book with lightly dismissive low expectation.  I was, after all, a man of the hefty highbrow - used to complex, multi-layered plots dancing from poetical prose.  A comic might be enjoyably and momentarily diverting but would not, could not, provide sustaining nourishment of the soul.  Just as a tin of spaghetti hoops makes for an entertainingly regressive snack, but you wouldn’t present it as the main feature of a dinner party.

Well, wasn’t I an idiot? Hubris and Chagrin knocked my door that night with suitcases sufficiently stuffed to suggest a lengthy stay.

Watchmen was shocking.  Not shockingly awful, not causing horror and disgust, but something that jarringly bestirred my prejudicial sensibilities.  It was utterly not as I’d expected, on so many levels.

The storyline itself was richly dark, disturbingly deep and improbably plausible and the nine-panel layout allowed for a contradistinctive narrative weave that darted between concurrent, overlapping storylines.  Consequently, rather than following a single textual thread, the reading rhythm demanded simultaneous absorption of journal chronicle, multiple dialogue and pictorial representation, which took a while to get used to.  Due to the uniqueness of the medium and the genius of its creators, one’s experiential methodology had to adapt accordingly.

And so, as the doorbell rang, I knew I had to invite my guests in.  I had been guilty of presuming that comics were some kind of refuge for the indulgence of childish escapism, a fantasyland for the young and the great unwashed.  I was, quite frankly, extraordinarily ignorant and foolish.

It’s curious how we can so easily dismiss things that aren’t within our immediate frame of reference, those we are socially encouraged to forego, things we don't fully understand or past pleasures incongruent with our refined sense of self.

Erroneously we don’t, or I didn’t, allow for the possibility that apparently competing elements can comfortably co-exist, each offering something different but equally rewarding.  Reading comics does not require that the novel is disregarded.  There is room aplenty for both.

Fundamentally it’s about prejudice.  Commonly, and rightly, this issue tends to focus on the suffering inflicted upon the victims.  But it’s also worth realising that our pre-conceived ideas have a negative and limiting impact on us as well.

In the world of Watchmen, this black and white mindset is that perpetuated by Rorschach.  I will leave you to discover for yourselves just how well he is ultimately served by that perspective.

The People Versus The Wasp, by James Carter

Do you ever wonder if wasps suffer from low self-esteem?

If you answered that question at all, I’m guessing you went with a fairly emphatic ‘no’ and moved swiftly to click away from the page in bewildered contempt.  I beseech you to stay your hand a moment.  The question isn’t as inane as it sounds.

Okay, it is.  But there’s a reason for asking.  You see, I rather think that if any creature had a right to be a little lacking in confidence, to feel misunderstood and hard done by, it should be the humble wasp.  Is there a more wretchedly unloved living organism on the planet?

Popular rhetoric would have it that bees, whilst technically capable of spiking you with a dose of unpleasantness, are somehow the cheeky chappies of the insect world, gaily flitting about from bud to bud, selflessly spreading pollen, working for the common good.  Wasps, on the other hand, are the fallen angels of the garden.  Cast out of Eden for an unspecified sin and forever tarnished by their failure to produce honey.  Hollywood does not make films about cute wasps; Cuddly toy manufacturers don’t want to know.

Indeed, even that bastion of worldly knowledge, Wikipedia, refuses to look wasps squarely in the eye and instead defines them by what they aren’t rather than what they are “any insect of the order Hymenoptera and suborder Apocrita that is neither a bee nor an ant”.

Well, let this blog be a lone advocate in defence; a legal aid for the damned if you will.  First up, a little myth busting: Not all wasps sting.  In fact, none of the males do – and of the females it is only the workers and fertile queens from some of the 100,000 or so species.  When they do sting, their venom is less than that of a bee, considerably so as it happens.  Bees will inflict 50 micrograms of nastiness upon you in a single blow, whereas the wasp swipes in with a fairly insipid maximum of 15 micrograms per strike (albeit with the capacity to press the repeat button fairly persistently).

And wasps are far from useless.  Sure, bees take the credit for the sickly sweet stuff that drips from their hives, but wasps are willing to do the unglamorous.  You know the phrase ‘It’s a dirty job but someone has to do it’? That was (or should have been) written with them in mind.  Almost every pest insect has a wasp which parasites it, making them extraordinarily important in the control of agricultural blight, particularly given that they have little impact on crops.

Despite this evidence, many of you will remain unconvinced of their virtues, which would make a blog in itself (why do we so often persist in holding onto untrue beliefs?), but that is not why we’re discussing them just now.

The reason is that I saw my first wasp of the year today, buzzing around the front door.  And it was a hugely welcome sight.  Not because I am particularly fond of wasps (I’ll stick up for them but we’re not close friends).  No, it was an uplifting moment because they are, in my own confused little mind, synonymous with warm weather, and I believed, I really believed, that spring is incontrovertibly on the way.  Little clues have offered themselves up in recent days – clusters of spring flowers, the occasional glimpse of the sun, people hesitating about which coat, or how many, it’s necessary to wear.

Away from its usual role of picnic pest, buzzing drone against the window pane and swooping menacing agent of the devil, today’s wasp was a very messenger of hope.  There is something in that.  One small irritation, observed in a different context, instead represented something positive and optimistic.  A reason to be cheerful rather than annoyed.

Remember that, please, when the days are long again and the newspaper as makeshift swatter season is in full swing. 

One swallow does not make a summer, but one wasp just might make a spring.  

The Common Good, by James Carter

 
In keeping with fine soap opera tradition, our last episode of Blogenders dangled a tantalising cliff-hanger – which of 4 options to be pursued in the seemingly prescient event of cup final heartache?  You were, I confess, the victims of plot twist manipulation, for the answer was of course Option 5: Seek refuge in word books.  I know, it’s obvious in hindsight, but that’s the way of deliberate misdirection.

To survive the dying embers of Sunday’s light, it was necessary to consult Skeat’s 1882 First Edition “An Etymological Dictionary of the English Language” and it is from this that we take today’s reading.  It begins, aptly enough, with enduring agony.

Pathos, Passion, Patient (in hospital) and Patient (waiting serenely); these are all descendants of the early Greek word meaning ‘to suffer’.  This sense of a communal root pervades across the linguistic landscape.  Disappoint, disgrace, disaster (you can sense my mood) – each of these is prefixed by the Latin ‘dis-‘ meaning ‘a privative, negative or reversing force; a lack or deprivation’.  Thus our word list may literally mean ‘lacking fulfilment of hopes or expectations’, ‘the reversal of grace' and, somewhat understatedly, ‘negative to one’s stars’.  Don’t say you never learn anything on this site.

The notion of core, shared elements occurs repeatedly across our social and creative experiences, providing the foundation for a world of possibility.  In cooking, flavourings from Puttanesca to Salsa, Louisiana Creole to Marinara, all utilise the basic ingredients of tomato sauce;  Likewise, a 12 semi-tone octave, a key signature and a tempo underpin every melodic composition from Shostakovich’s Second Waltz to the Pussycat Doll’s ‘Don’t Cha’.

These are the building blocks which establish every innovative undertaking.  You, of course, have your own, composed of your morals, values, skills, motivations, physical and mental abilities.

It is your own core elements that are the roots of any success, both that already achieved and that yet to come. They are thus worthy of a little consideration but I cannot tell you what yours are. It may be that you are favoured with a head for numbers, a clear sense of right and wrong, steely determination, a good throwing arm, fearlessness, fortitude, a flair for languages, a killer cross-stitch, navigational nous, perspicacity, a willingness to perspire, or a million other possibilities.

Whatever they are, it is important to acknowledge your essential blessings, to know that they exist in you and that combined they can be used for positive endeavour.  Brought together, they may help you construct a way of both being in and comprehending the world. 

Allow me to demonstrate.  We know already that the prefix ‘dis-‘ can mean ‘a deprivation’.  Add the Latin ‘Cerebrum’ (brain) and the suffix ‘-escent’ (becoming, resembling, to be somewhat), et voila, a whole new word: Discerebrescent, meaning ‘somwhat deprived of a brain’, as in ‘During the final minutes, Arsenal’s defenders were collectively discerebrescent’.  See, it makes sense now.

The Final Agony, by James Carter

This blog is aware that it is sometimes unnecessarily glib about things.  This blog is sorry and knows of its wider social responsibilities.  Given world events this week it would be inappropriate to take anything other than a serious tone.  We are beset by uncertainty, surrounded by menace lurking on every corner.  Only a couple of weeks ago, the future seemed in some small way, if not predictable, then more assured at the very least. 

But now, following midweek injury, neither Theo Walcott nor Cesc Fabregas will be fit for tomorrow’s Carling Cup final against Birmingham.  Joining long term casualty Thomas Vermaelen on the treatment table, Arsenal’s procession to their first trophy in 6 years is in jeopardy.  With the Champions League return match at the Nou Camp to come, this is no time for jokes.

What had promised to be a fond farewell to February and a merry morning to March, now takes on a very different feel. A sensational season finale was within reach – momentum would build from the trophy triumph and the glorious gooners would sweep majestically forward to crush all before them, heralding the greatest testimony to artistic endeavour since, well, Barcelona last year.  Instead, the very opposite may now occur.  Shameful defeat at the hands of relative minnows could set in motion a chain of events that culminate in a trophy-less campaign and the departure of our better players to Spanish shores.  Most disastrously of all, Spurs supporters would be gifted an opportunity to gloat.  The days and weeks ahead would be unbearable.

Unfortunately, you cannot control what others do (Shame! If only Andrei Arshavin and Samir Nasri regularly read this blog and were so moved by my plight that they were inspired to never before seen feats of greatness).  Without bribery, the performance of players and match officials alike cannot be manipulated and the potential triumphant schadenfraude of Spurs supporters must remain uncurtailed.

But we can control our own behaviour.  Others influence us, our choices and our experiences, but how we deal with these remains in our gift.  In the event of a calamitous thrashing, I could chose to cherish the joy experienced by those connected to Birmingham at achieving their first success since 1963; I could endure the cruel taunts of gleeful Tottenham fans as expressions of jovial joshing, the essence of a competitive edge that keeps sport interesting; or I could affect an anthropological interest in the link between rivalry and the evolutionary advantage of tribal belonging.

I won’t of course.  I will adopt one of the standard beaten stances:

a) Minimising the agony by pretending not to have watched or cared about the outcome as it’s ‘only’ the Carling Cup

b) Lament the injustice of the referee’s performance

c) Deflect attention to the number of years since Spurs last won a trophy of major significance or

d) (Least likely of them all) be gracious in defeat.

I have a multitude of options.  The fact that I will choose to act like a child does not mean it is somehow anybody else’s fault or that I am powerless in the face of others’ actions.

It will just feel like it.

Amuse Yourself, by James Carter

Those of you accustomed to fine dining will be familiar with that most competitively pretentious of foodie flourishes: the Amuse Bouche.

For the culinarily disadvantaged amongst the readership, this is a preparatory bite-sized morsel which delivers a promise of the chef’s mastery and serves to excite the taste buds.  The phrase literally translates as ‘Mouth Amuser’ and is not ordered but offered in accordance with the chef’s artistic whimsy.

The amuse bouche is an increasingly commonplace commencement of the dining experience, but its importance lies not in the nutritional satisfaction.  After all, where is the bellyful in a teaspoon of white asparagus mousse or a fork’s worth of liquid salt cod bon bon with crushed cream peas and smoked milk?  The role it plays lies in what it represents: The foretaste, the anticipation, the tantalizing stimulus of the senses.  It is the whetting of the appetite.

Now, permit a metaphorical migration if you will.  There are times in life when we feel dissatisfied, somehow undernourished and in need of sustenance, but uncertain as to what we are hungry for.  It is easy in such circumstances to forage fruitlessly and earnestly in the relentless pursuit of our intangible daily bread.

But instead of searching, why not start by opening your senses to see what excites them?  The sprinkling thrill of anticipation is offered freely if you are prepared to accept its offering.

Remember the amuse bouche is not a meal in itself, just the start.  To be fully sated you must enjoy the full repast.  So having whetted your appetite, you may then proceed with gusto to the starter, the main and dessert.

Man cannot live by amuse bouche alone, so indulge yourself in sensational pleasure.  Consume rapaciously until you are pleasantly full.  And if you overeat a little, unable to resist that tiny wafer thin mint or petit fours, you can always sleep it off afterwards.

Go on, for once, amuse yourself.

Stuck in the Middle, by James Carter

You may be familiar with the advert for Clover butter margarine - the one that tries to convince you ‘It’s great in the middle’.

Fair enough.  You can’t really expect them to run a campaign saying ‘Whoops.  We seem to have made a rather pointless product that’s neither one thing nor the other so we’ll spin you some ridiculous line about how we meant to do that’.  They can’t say it, but we know different.

The middle is a hard place to be, whatever Clover’s marketing suits think.  Being the middle child, taking the central seat on an aeroplane, adverts that come on halfway through a film, having a mid-life crisis; these are all pretty challenging experiences.  The Middle Ages may have given history the Magna Carta, but they also had the Black Death.

I mention this because the times they are a’ middlin’.  Everything is kind of trudging through.  Winter, our seemingly constant companion, still hasn’t shaken its bleak midseason blues; the English cricketers are reassuringly losing their way through a post Ashes slump; and the swathing cuts to public sector spending, which have worried us since Cameron and Clegg broke with evolutionary precedent and combined to become less than the sum of their parts, have only really just begun.  Christmas is behind us, Easter still a speck on the Chocolate Egg horizon.  And after the excitement of the Royal engagement announcement, we face an interminable wait until that happy occasion when we wear our commemorative paper hats with pride.

As ever with such things, a wealth of advice abounds for dealing with the loss of midpoint motivation.  Many are situationally specific in their usefulness, like opting for a bun or French twist to cope with that awkward in between hair length;  others are fundamentally self-defeating, such as one website’s assertion that you ‘Start Over’ (how would you ever get to the end?).

Some are well intentioned and logical.  Personal growth gurus will advocate that “The biggest part of motivation comes from simply having a strong enough reason”, along with creating enthusiasm, regularly reviewing goals and creating a healthy self image.  This is all soundly relevant, but it may also be helpful to keep in mind the essential truth: The middle bit is hard and there are no short cuts. Denying this can lead to yet more frustration and a sense of underachievement.  Or to the consumption of several ill advised cakes on the way to your weight goal.

It behoves us to accept the struggle.  Change theories embrace and normalise the mid-point difficulty, pointing out the near ubiquity of occasional regression, lapse and low motivation.  You struggle because this is what everybody does at that point.  Normal may be a bit too close to Average, and therefore Middle, for comfort, but it’s actually okay.

Had the people at Clover simply said ‘Eat our buttery margarine, it sounds odd but it’s quite normal’ we wouldn’t be railing against their disingenuity. Well I wouldn’t anyway.  Heck I might have even bought the stuff.  Fortunately I’m in the midst of my own spending cuts, which prohibit me from splashing out on senseless spreads.  Something tells me I’ll find the motivation to keep that going.  I have a strong enough reason you see.

Time to Recalibrate, by Razwana Wahid (UKCP Student)

What do we assume when we watch movies like Danny Boyles ‘127 Hours’, observing the hero as he moves from entrapment to release?   Many of us will watch as Aron Ralston is immobilised with his arm under a boulder in the middle of nowhere, surviving for 6 days with very little food or water, eventually amputating his own arm with a blunt knife, and think this man has strength beyond what we thought was humanly possible.  Was this man born with heroic courage who had been training for this moment his entire life? 

No.  This was simply an ordinary man, presented with an unusual set of circumstances, which forced him take extraordinary action.

Not many of us would take to the canyons of Utah (or the marsh of the Yorkshire Dales for that matter) to explore the peaks and dips at our own risk, but then the majority if us would not venture out into the unknown to test the boundaries of our own will, either.  In his own words, Ralston says the pain ...’was a hundred times worse than any pain I've felt before. It recalibrated what I'd understood pain to be. At the same time, it was also the most beautiful thing I've ever felt.’  Beautiful?  Is he certifiably insane?

Aside from saying ‘have a cuppa tea chuck and it’ll be alright’, I am not particularly qualified to make that judgement, but what I can attest is this:  Ralston pushed himself beyond the boundaries of what he thought was possible and redefined what conviction meant for him.  This is the year when many boundaries will be tested.  With the England rugby and cricket teams fighting for World Cup trophies and the Olympic hopefuls training for the forthcoming competitive event, the limits of skill and endurance will take these ordinary sportsmen and present them with the opportunity to become extraordinary makers of history.

But why just leave it to the sporting greats to do the testing?  What boundaries have you set yourself that can be tested to adjust your sense of reality?  Even if it means doing something small like going to the movies alone for the first time, let’s make now the time when we push ourselves out of our comfort zone and do some recalibrating of our own. 

Fragrance Flashbacks, by James Carter

Given the furore enveloping Sky Sports this last week, you will be relieved that metrosexuality remains the juice driving this beloved blog.  Having delved into football, Chihuahuas, scented candles and DIY over recent months, today we’re talking hair care.

Specifically, our subject matter concerns the oft overlooked relationship between shampoo, childhood nostalgia and computer programming. 

Displaying a reckless disdain for the habitual, I recently allowed my scalp to be lathered in the soaps of a new brand.  I couldn’t truthfully assert whether the Aloe Vera or Emollients were more significant in adding extra lustre to my sheen, or whether the Miracle Moist Thermal Protector caused an inadvertent but lively narrowing of the Glabella.  Olfactorily though it was a delight and carried my senses breezily to a memory of childhood. 

Frustratingly, whilst the smell was familiar and evocative, I couldn’t quite place it. I yearned to slot the pieces of the nostalgia puzzle together, but tantalising sniffs of its fleeing scent were the closest I could get to its elusive exactitude.

In the name of research and the pursuit of knowledge, I took the question out to friends and loved ones (the things I do for you, honestly).  “You know that wonderful shampoo with the jojoba-seed oil that protects your locks from the harsh effects of primping and preening?” I enquired “Just what is the yesteryear that it revives so meaningfully?” 

Despite the collective efforts of fine minds, the specifics of the scent remained elusive.  Someone suggested Hubba Bubba, a fine and proximate effort.  Certainly this was smell adjacent and would offer a decent frame of reference.  True enough, Hubba Bubba reminds me of childhood (and of the time I heartbreakingly dropped 50 pence down a drain on my way to the shop for sweets). Recollectively it transported me somewhere wistfully pleasant, but not to the destination I had in mind.  It wasn’t quite a perfect fit.

And here is where we turn to software programmers. You may think them geeks (shame on your prejudice!) but they are the inventors of POGE – the Principle of Good Enough, whose essence you will understand immediately.

It is not a trivial issue. Accepting good enough can mean contentedly relinquishing a struggle.  It can also feel like settling for second best.  Striving for perfection can be motivating in the pursuit of a worthwhile goal, but may lead to perpetual frustration and the inability to celebrate those things already achieved.  People (including programmers) agonise about when to be satisfied and when to push on.

The perfect blog would possibly dispense a pearl of wisdom and offer the answer.  This one will have to be good enough and allow you to make up your own mind.  For the right response will vary from person to person, from situation to situation.  When will you know that good enough is good enough?  I cannot tell you what is right for you; only ask that you be aware of the question.  

And while you ponder it, I’m off to the shops.  There’s a two for one offer on a new conditioner that I want to try out.  Apparently it smells something (but not quite) like spangles.

Loving What Is - Four Questions that can change your life (Byron Katie); Review by Dorien Schilder

This book is not your normal coaching fare.  However, it shows in a captivating way how changing the way you think about something can dramatically change the way you feel about it and take away any uncomfortable emotions. The author demonstrates how this is applicable even in some of the most difficult situations people can find themselves in.  

I decided to read this book at the beginning of this year upon advice of a good friend.  Her mother-in-law is a coach who uses Byron Katie’s ’Four Questions’ to help clients and was trained by Katie herself.

Byron Katie has a remarkable story.  She had a quite normal life until she entered a 10-year-long dark phase of depression, rage and paranoia.  She awoke to this one day and felt completely free of any negativity.  Not being able to explain things at first, she then found out that, through an internal process of questioning, she had come to realise that her old thoughts were untrue.

Over the years Katie developed her method and started sharing it with others.  Nowadays she trains people in what she calls ‘The Works’, she gives interviews, writes books and does live demonstrations.

The four questions Byron Katie uses to interrogate any statement that causes discomfort are:

1. Is it true?
2. Can you absolutely know that it’s true?
3. How do you react when you think that thought?
4. Who would you be without the thought?
   and
   Turn the statement around.

 Katie claims that people will always find that actually their statement is not true.  And that it causes them hurt, pain, anger or other uncomfortable feelings.  She encourages people’s willingness to change their thoughts by helping them think about what life would be like if they didn’t have that particular thought.  Next is the big step, which I found a bit difficult to grasp at the beginning: she will ask people to turn around their original statement.  

For example, if the statement was: ‘I want my family to accept me as I learn my own truth in this life’ the turnaround could be: ‘I want me to accept myself as I learn my own truth in life’ or: ‘I want me to accept them as they learn their own truth in life’.  One of her core messages that I find very helpful is: ‘Whose business are you in? Stay in your own business.’

In her book Katie explains how the questioning works and what else you can use to support the process to unfold.  There are many examples in the books taken from when she did ‘The Works’ on people.

What the book does not do is moving people forward after having taken away the thoughts that create negative emotions.  However, the book is helpful in that it shows how powerful it can be if people can let go of thoughts and emotions that prevent them from being able to move on with life.